estherification

it's 2 something in the morning

2010-12-11T23:24:00.002+08:00

and ive just baked a stack of cookies.
yummy butter cookies.
because i can :)

did i mention i love the post hsc life? :)

freezing.

2010-12-02T22:14:00.005+08:00

we went to the beach. it was freezing but they threw me into the cold sea anyway :(

im not a control freak

2010-11-24T20:08:00.001+08:00

but i hate it when things spin out of control.

can't let go

2010-11-19T20:50:00.003+08:00

this was valentine's. i miss this. so much

im suddenly drowning in sudden homesickness planning the globe formal.

currently listening to: 'life after you' daughtry

summers never are the same

2010-11-19T18:34:00.009+08:00

korean bbq with sghs and a heap of randoms.

crashing into sarah by accident (seriously, i was cleaning my glasses and guess what tall blob stopped dead in front of me). then spending all our time at jay jays even though she was MEANT to help me go formal shopping. which we did in the end. in record time and record savings :)

beach :) and getting sunburnt. even though i put way way more sunscreen than joshua, sarah or khim. sigh

sarah. and im wearing the top she made me buy from jay jays.

my jie :)

uni fellowship meeting.

and lots of meeting up with friends. and lots of late night talks with my lovelies :)

and yes i'm loving the post hsc life :)

formal :)

2010-11-17T20:34:00.020+08:00

because everyone seems to like this pic :)

formal was actually pretty fun :) great friends, good food and dancing :)

my genius :)

this was at the end, when everyone was tired and messy but still 'happy snappy' as chris calls it :)

life after hsc?
FUN :)

nineteen.freedom.

2010-11-07T20:18:00.003+08:00

i finished the HSC with bio on friday :)
then at yang's my school friends surprised me with a cake. cute :)

all i wanted was for you to be there for me.

2010-10-11T15:36:00.003+08:00

a year and a bit of studying, nine hours today and...

2010-10-06T21:19:00.002+08:00

and a week to the HSC.

fantastic.

sometimes i wish time would speed up so i can just sit for the exams. no im not prepared, im just so tired i want it over and done with.
but sometimes i want time to slow down, to be able to memorise and learn every bit of the text i can and that i need to know.

but whatever it is, GOD im trusting You :)

graduated.

2010-09-24T21:50:00.001+08:00

from sydney girls high school 2010 :)

dashed

2010-09-22T15:24:00.001+08:00

im not sure and i dont understand why.

sometimes you sleep to try to forget. but then reality always wakes you up.

tears taste sad :(

what we never realise

2010-09-13T16:18:00.002+08:00

btw, i found back 2 cards/letters u gave me while packing up.. do u remember which 2?

i suppose we never realized a lot of things.

i never realized you kept cards i've made for you. i never realized the cards and the stuff i make are actually remembered and kept.
i've never really realized the way you've always been there in the background. or how even though our worlds never collide anymore, we're still there for each other :)

i guess i've never stopped and thought about the small things friends do for each other. i know i try to make everyone as happy as i possibly can. it's an 'esther thing' you said.

so thanks for reminding me that the small things count.

i like being stupid. sometimes :)

2010-09-08T21:53:00.013+08:00

i haven't taken luvos in ages. wow.

tunic day. the sghs childhood i never knew :)

there's a time for everything. and now's the time to be stupid :)

blur

2010-09-08T15:22:00.005+08:00

it never fails to amaze me how oblivious i can be to the world happening around me.
things just seem to fall into not-so-perfect spaces.
and im really sorry that the same mistakes keep happening.
im sorry but i'm not just very good at this.
i'll keep trying to make things better.
that's what makes me esther: the need to make others happy.
so thanks for letting us start over :)

all the way

2010-08-27T19:11:00.002+08:00

trials finished on monday.
i started getting my papers back on tuesday.
:(

during free today, gen+jk+shirley+yang+me trekked all the way to central, walked up to george street.
and found baskin robbins closed.
so we googled it and then walked all the way down to darling harbour.
and got free cotton candy ice cream :)

the joys of year 12 :)

automatic

2010-08-21T20:03:00.002+08:00

it's always the same.

smile :)

what i never told you

2010-08-14T21:06:00.004+08:00

[4/9] trial HSC. it's like a really long repeat of SPM, with a lot more pressure as this determines uni, which then determines my career, which determines the future...

scary.

i was studying chem(love chem!hate studying) the whole of today/yesterday. obviously i got stressed looking at the formulaes after a while. studying was tiring, after a while i started doing silly things to chemistry. like pressing the ln button instead of log and wondering why all my pH questions were wrong. or confusing catalysts. and naming esters backwards. woops.

i suppose everyone has their own way of calming themselves down/unstressing :)

words unstress me. i've always written whenever i stress. i was reading through some of my old diary entries, and it's amazing to see how much i've grown/not grown. i think writing changes, and changes you. right now, on my whiteboard it says "i can be a ridiculous child when i want to be. i don't really see whats so bad about being estheridiculous :)"

but yes, the things which make me smile even more is my friends. for now, my friend's words :)

they comfort you:
in the wms scrapbook my group made, donkey "feelings in its time cannot be put into accurate words to describe that. esther khoo is that. esther khoo is this, she can be anything that anybody imagines her to be, but she will always be esther to me" :)

they make you cringe:
wms scrapbook, tien yi "love-hate relationship. lets just concentrate on love"

they surprise you:
on msn last night, chris lee junior "worry is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do but nowhere to go"

they make you laugh:
i read through some of the much replied emails that i wrote with charis, and with keen wai when i was a kid (13?14?15?). i cannot believe i used the word 'chill', 'sowee', '...' and 'innocent' that many times in a sentence. woops.

and they remind you that no matter what, life has its constants. like random openings about mangoes and the definition of demanding.
just then on msn, kok mun
~KokMun~ Family, friends, mango, party, trips, shopping, food, cinema, etc.. What more can I ask for from home? =D says:
lil sister
like jaga kid only
when?
liean says:
16 dec im going back kl, coming back sydney 27 feb
will we get to meet up then?
:)
~KokMun~ Family, friends, mango, party, trips, shopping, food, cinema, etc.. What more can I ask for from home? =D says:
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO
my next holiday is..
27th feb =.=
extend 2 more days can?
liean says:
come two days earlier! :( cause uni starts 28 feb!
KOK MUN :(
~KokMun~ Family, friends, mango, party, trips, shopping, food, cinema, etc.. What more can I ask for from home? =D says:
my uni exams end on 27th feb!
liean says:
oh damn it. fine. grrrr
~KokMun~ Family, friends, mango, party, trips, shopping, food, cinema, etc.. What more can I ask for from home? =D says:
why la
u skip 2 days of class can?
liean says:
my parents booked the tickets. i already had to bargain with them to let me skip o week for my cousins wedding on the 26 feb :(
NGAW
lets just blame fate:(
~KokMun~ Family, friends, mango, party, trips, shopping, food, cinema, etc.. What more can I ask for from home? =D says:
i dont believe in fate..
God's will perhaps?
ok that makes God a little too harsh..

somehow written words, writing soothes the soul. my soul at least :)

right, back to the real world. hello studying :(

loves,
esther

hsc trials :(

2010-08-10T11:26:00.000+08:00

i love emails :)

2010-07-28T20:10:00.002+08:00

'all da best in all things you do ya..support support =)
ivan'

'woman are you taking care of yourself? i noe exams are coming, and you would be really busy studying, but still take care of your health, k? eat healthy and drink water. sleep early. at least get some sleep during the hrs of 12am-2am, k? cz that time's kinda vital for your body health. i forgot why. i think it's the time when your body cells repair themselves or something. haha. but neways, it's better to sleep early and get up early to study than to sleep late and get up early. k? =) in case you forgot what food are healthy, i'm jus kinda gonna repeat them k? hehe. gonna sound like your mother. lols. probably even worse than your mother. lols. alkali food are good. like vege and fruits. eggplant, bittergourd, pumpkin, sweet potatoes, lemons, oranges.... try make it a habit to drink a cup of lemonade a day k? without adding any sugar. squeeze half or one quarter of lemon into your cup, add water till full, then drink it. it may be a lil sour the first few times, but it's good for your body, k? so please try to do it la. you can get lemons in aussy rite? heheh. sigh. i'm gonna stop now. donwanna sound more like a mother any more than i already do. but really, take care of your body k? and don't starve yourself. =)

i'll be praying for you!! =)

love you woman =)

ying'

it was a wet, cold, rainy day. i woke up at six. the genetic trait at being totally incompetent at logic tests runs in the khoo family. i panic easily. today was freezing cold the whole day. i tripped, skidded and fell flat. the huge black blue bruises on my knees and the scratches on my palms hurt. tests take out a lot of you. there were two lovely emails today :)

overwhelmed

2010-07-23T22:04:00.003+08:00

sometimes it's so easy to feel overwhelmed by the pressures and expectations of others. sometimes it's too easy to be swept away by the feeling of not being there. sometimes it's hard to remember that there is life after what's up straight ahead.

and sometimes GOD gives you the quirkiest cheer ups.
like my parents randomly buying me a bottle of shampoo that isn't home brand for the first time in quite a while
or samuel telling me the lamest jokes he can think of while extrapolating about everything from taylor swift to rasputin
or daniel crashing around the house, doing little chores
or getting emails that never fail to encourage <3

i'll be trying my hardest to balance all the expectations and own goals i'm trying to achieve. but if i lose balance once in a while, or fall off completely, forgive me.

because i'll still try to be yours,
faithfully :)

doctor said...

2010-07-21T15:51:00.002+08:00

i'm having gastroenteritis.
on the first day back at school.
when i had hamlet assesments
and umat is in a week's time :(
im not sure why but my body sure does have the weirdest time to break down :(

little prayers

2010-07-18T22:11:00.002+08:00

today during prayer, my little brother daniel prayed

"Our Father in heaven, please make esther che che smarter..."

:)

in the depths of tiredness

2010-07-01T18:51:00.003+08:00

during my exhausted last night...

me: im so tired that if i get run down by a car, you know why
kok mun: okay, pre-type a message in your phone and send it to me just in case
me: and what are you going to do, you're all the way in india

later... (probs after 2 something in the morning)
kok mun: oooiii!! why you offline?? i eat dinner and poof you're gone!

thanks so much. it's nice to know that i have friends who care.

ups and downs

2010-06-27T20:12:00.003+08:00

despite all the past month disappointments (which is utterly crushing. it still is), i think GOD's being trying to show me that He still loves me. even when i think my world has just crashed.

He's given my family and I a pretty huge house (it is PRETTY and it is HUGE) we're so grateful, especially to all the lovely ESCCC people who helped us pack, shift and more or less set up the whole place. it's beautiful.

He's also given me the best set of friends both here and back home. honestly, without you people i would die. He's given me friends like...
...kok mun, the BEST petbrother in the world. we massively ignored each other for a few months. and then when we start talking again, he knows that im troubled. which is crazily intuitive. thanks for listening to me rant and for all the advice. as usual, i probably depend too much on you. or more on your advice :)
...su, who's listened to me worry and worry and worry, trying to give me logical advice. and still been the BEST youth group chairperson ever. and the best mother hen! :P
...ying, who listens to me rant. a lot. thanks ying :) i love all our emailing <3
...michy, who shares with me her stuff too. i hope things look up for you too dear <3
...mish, who has been pretty much a stabiliser here. it's kind of random that i'm close to michelles both here and back home :)
...kelly, who has been staring at blank ceilings/walls with me. and just randomly talking. and laughing like crazy

and so many more.

the holidays are coming. and i'm glad for it. but it's going to be all studying. and im pretty over it :(

im trying really really hard.

2010-06-24T19:23:00.002+08:00

...but i'm learning to trust GOD and GOD alone

i've had a rather disastrous month. unfortunately. with a few sunny moments. but more or less disastrous. but yes, we'll see

because sometimes its just so hard

2010-06-18T21:30:00.001+08:00

We learn real peace by choosing to trust GOD in circumstances where we are tempted to be worried or afraid.

help me GOD to trust :)

exams.

2010-06-05T10:13:00.000+08:00

oh dear. help :(

melt

2010-06-03T19:19:00.003+08:00

it's been a very discouraging two weeks of failures, and next week is exams :(
oh, and did i mention we moved into the new house. so that's been tiring too.
and its been raining.and cold.and wet.
after a week of not checking my emails, i found three messages from you.
thanks for making me melt :)

every now and then

2010-05-25T22:23:00.006+08:00

this was taken a long time ago (last church lunch?). i haven't blogged for a long time. i guess it's time to update :)

because sometimes i think time passes way way too fast. and sometimes i feel like a slug sleepily treading along.

it's been a hectic few weeks and will be a hectic few weeks. actually it's just a crazy study year, so expect the blog to die and be revived and whatsoever random time i can't take studying and need to just write :)

so, i've just failed my driving test with a really good score last friday. as in, my score was higher than my parents. but i had 2 fail items :( im not going to drive till after my stress period. and maybe it wasnt the best idea to take the huge 8 seater car for the test :(

i've piano exam coming up this friday and my fingers are freezing over all the time cause it's too cold :(
and my school exams are the week after that.
and sometime i have to plan the globe sleepover.
oh, and i should start preparing for umat and getting my uni applicatinons ready (love medicine!)
oh oh oh, and we're moving house this friday.
sometimes i wonder if i could cram anything else in my life without falling apart.

sometimes i don't want to think.

so i'm just going to reminiscene about last hols. when i actually had a life :)

joshua's 20th :)
i took daniel and samuel ooi out to the museum of sydney to fulfill my "sisterly obligations" as my parents sometimes put it. oh and because i love daniel khoo too :) it was nice spending time with my baby brother and his friend (because maybe babysitting isn't such a bad job :P) daniel insisted on two rounds of mcd's 'since we never eat mcd's and so i must each as much as i can' and watching the purple boats sped away to drench their passengers. then it was just strolling around the opera house and lazing round the botanic gardens. most relaxing day of my hols :)

of course, we studied as well :) the year 12's and 11's hit state library for a morning to study. and our brilliant plan to picnic (connie even brought all the stuff!) was ruined when yoke yen, joshua, sarah and esther appeared out of the blue (more like the wrong staircase of state library) and insisted we track through the botanical gardens, a pier and across wolomoloo to end up at some nice pie shop :)

the highlight was definately kyck, which went well thank GOD :) (well, not as smoothly as i planned but no one was mortally wounded and nothing went fatally wrong so all's good) love esccc globe for making the first camp i planned here special :)

"lack inspiration? take a nap, it always works for me?" sam khoo

i lack inspiration. but i wish there was more hours in a day to do everything i need to do.
goodbye sleep, if something has to go, it's you.
oh and my life too. till at least after hsc :)

miss you :)

busy

2010-05-08T17:39:00.000+08:00

because when it gets busy, everything hits you too fast

Whatever it Takes (Lifehouse)

2010-04-23T21:03:00.000+08:00

A strangled smile fell from your face
It kills me that I hurt you this way
The worst part is that I didn't even know
Now there's a million reasons for you to go
But if you can find a reason to stay

I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
Believe that I can change
I'll keep us together whatever it takes

She said "If we're gonna make this work
You gotta let me inside even though it hurts
Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see"
She said "Like it or not it's the way it's gotta be
You gotta love yourself if you can ever love me"

I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
And give me a break
I'll keep us together, I know you deserve much better

But remember the time I told you the way that I felt
That I'd be lost without you and never find myself
Let's hold onto each other above everything else
Start over, start over

I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
and believe that I can change
I'll keep us together whatever it takes

because it's somehow stuck now

woops

2010-04-15T22:19:00.000+08:00

definitely forgot this :(

wollongong. and many many poser shots in the car :)

2010-04-02T17:54:00.003+08:00

because daniel is my new poser/ipod buddy :)

my weekend was fun :)

2010-03-30T21:46:00.006+08:00

because sometimes i think i might just be finding myself again :)

katoomba the whole day with joshua and yoke yen.
beach and dinner with unsw people.
super sharing session with all you wonderful esccc people.
fun :)

concentration

2010-03-23T13:20:00.004+08:00

because it's hard to concentrate

published :)

2010-03-20T07:49:00.007+08:00

the books arrived on the first and last day of my hsc assesments two.
it's like GOD's telling me im not such a huge failure sometimes :)

confessions.

2010-02-22T18:29:00.002+08:00

i am imperfect.
i am not that smart, really.
i need to study to be smart and i haven't been able to study and therefore my hsc assesments 2 is a huge worry.
i get tired. i cant actually survive with only 4-5 hours of sleep per night.
i fail at a lot of things-like managing my life in general.
i am trying my best but people always demand more than the best from me.
i can't be the best that people expect of me.
i hate using the word 'i'.
i'm really sorry.

the amazing g-race

2010-02-20T07:51:00.001+08:00

the amazing globe race
the amazing GRACE!

...was awesome :)

say a little prayer

2010-02-10T20:14:00.000+08:00

Cheng
Lord I pray that You'll bless esther with the strength she needs. No problem can be as big as our You Lord.. In Jesus' name i pray.. Ame

AMEN :)

my laptop only saves half documents for some unexplainable reason

2010-02-08T20:58:00.001+08:00

Underdogs

The compound rattled with the wailings of orphaned puppies and whines of abandoned dogs. The smell of dog permeated the air, the combined stench of urine challenging the ownership of territory. The dogs were separated according to gender, divided by a crude wire fence. The older dogs bit the younger dogs into place, the younger pups playfully tumbling and nipping each other’s ear for space. A complex sort of canine hierarchy had been established: the top dogs and the underdogs. The pure breeds disdaining the mixed breeds. He imagined that the dogs had formed themselves into pack alliances in such conditions, loyalties and strength been constantly tested. He imagined it to be like a coming-of-age ritual, a rite of passage for dogs to choose their team.

The lone young man strolled round the complex watching the dogs. He walked with his hands wrapped protectively round his waist. “CRASH!” The man spun around. A metal bowl lay overturned, bones spilled out in a haphazard manner. The sound a puppy howling in pain drew his attention. It was a light golden-brown mongrel with short scruffy fur. It’s tiny body shook and cowered as it saw an old, lean greyhound advancing on him.

Tom shut his eyes. “Fight, FIGHT, FIGHT!” the schoolboys yelled. They circled round him and Timothy. Their bodies pressed close together, making an arena of fight. There was no escape. Their uniform starched white shirts and brown slacks blurred into a single entity as Tom clenched his fists and gritted his teeth. He had no friends, no one to stand up for him. He was ‘the foreign devil’, the mixed boy with a white father and brown mother. He was alone.

Timothy McArthur, one of the wealthiest boys in his year, had called him a mongrel ever since he discovered that Tom had a habit of switching languages mid-sentence when he struggled to express himself. He went around school with his friends, talking in that English accent, slurring their words and drawling. ‘THE BOYS’ as they were called, went over to each other’s place for afternoon tea. Tom listened to their talk, trying to pick up the slurs and accent. Tom knew that they had scones and English Breakfast tea at each other’s place. He knew that each of their mothers specialized in a jam: marmalade, tomato, blueberry, apple. His mother didn’t make their jam, but she made kaya, a green buttery, pandan-coconut jam. He had brought some to school as a peace offering. “Hahaha, you call this jam? I’ll make you jam,” Timothy snickered, rolling up his sleeves.

The greyhound straightened its back and flanked its lean muscles. In a flash, the greyhound grabbed the puppy by the scruff of its neck. It was lifted slightly into the air, then thrown across the floor. The puppy slid and landed in a pile, a short distance away. The other dogs circled around the fight, barking and howling madly.

Tom felt himself been thrown back. Gravity dragged him down. He hadn’t seen Richard, Tom’s cousin, trip him up. Timothy’s fists mirrored Tom’s and lashed out at him. He felt his life side of his face sting and hit out wildly. He heard Timothy cry out in pain and saw blood smeared on his hands. Three pairs of hands were on him at once. One yanked his jet blank hair out of his roots, the other landed a punch in his stomach, another tore his shirt. He watched his top button roll and fall into the gutter. He tasted blood as he accidently bit his lip. He closed his eyes, picturing his father’s annoyance and his mother’s embarrassment. They had very much wanted him to fit into school.

“Boys, BOYS, BOYS!” the school teacher yelled from the other side of the quadrangle, charging at them. Tom watched as the children scattered in his path. He shut his eyes tight again; he knew he would be blamed. He didn’t belong here, not here in this mess. He told himself that he had been a good boy that he had tried to be good. That he had tried to fit in.

Tom opened his eyes in time to see the warden throw a bucket of water at the dogs before they could further attack the little pup. They howled and screeched in mass monomania, creating a din. They scattered helter-skelter, leaving the lone pup shivering in a puddle. Tom saw his fears mirrored in the pup’s eyes. The pup looked up at him, his brown eyes locked in Tom’s gaze. “I’ll take that one,” Tom said abruptly, pointing at the bitten pup. The warden smiled. “About time,” he muttered, “he’s the underdog.”

“Boy,” whispered Tom affectionately as the puppy cleaned Tom’s face with its pink tongue. So, “Boy” the pup became. Tom washed him, fed him, and trained him. He took Boy to the vet for his bites. Tom learnt to gently apply the cream while Boy squirmed and wriggled. He worked in office, being his quiet and reserved self as usual. He didn’t want people to know he was half-foreign. He liked the fact that both he and Boy were different. On weekends, he walked Boy in the park, smiling and waving shyly in return to the other dog lovers who called out a cheerful hello as they walked their pets around the block. Soon, Tom became a regular, as he started to make small talk. He got to know Peter and his Labrador, Jamie and her daschund, Alice and her spaniel-beagle. He felt more relaxed, more at home, with Boy by his side. “If only I could take you to work,” Tom teased Boy. Boy just nuzzled him and leant its head against him.

As Tom was walking past the artificial lake in the park, a pink ball flew and landed at his feet. “Sorry mister, can we have it back?” a tiny girl with freckles and flaming red hair looked up at him. “Owh, a dog! Can we play with him? Please, please, please?” A gaggle of six year olds swarmed Boy, and he loved the attention. “Sure, why not?” I unleashed Boy, letting him play. It was then that I saw the little girl.

She was a porcelain doll, she had blond hair and clear blue eyes. She looked about the same age as the gaggle of girls, yet she was sitting by herself. Her face was tilted slightly to the sun, staring blankly into nothingness. Her hands were splayed out on the ground, feeling her immediate surroundings. It was then that I realized why she was ostracized, she was blind.

Then, I saw something that really touched my heart. Boy trotted up to the blind girl, ignoring the cooing adoration of the gaggle. He sat by her and thumped his tail up and down. Then, he put his paws on her pretty sundress and licked her face. I made a move to stop him but the little girl giggled. Boy stood still as he let her run her hands over his soft fur, as if he knew she couldn’t see. I had never seen Boy so still before, my jaw dropped. She buried her blond head in his gold fur, inhaling his scent. A haggard mother came up to me, I assumed it was the girl’s mother. I stiffened and shuffled my feet slightly, expecting to get a scolding about Boy. Instead, she had tears in her eyes. “Thank you,” she murmured. We stood silently side by side, watching Boy and the girl.

As I walked home with Boy, I knew that some way, somehow, all of us underdogs belonged together.

it has been the rainiest weekend. ever :(

2010-02-07T18:51:00.009+08:00

it's rained perpetually for the last two days and its driving the sleep-deprived, sun-deprived esther crazy. it has been the laziest sort of weekend.

so i had my first driving class in the rain. not fun since im such a lousy lousy driver. please do pray as i'm trying to pass my driving test before kyck so i can drive you lovelies up to katoomba and back *shudder* driving really zaps my concentration levels though. its tiring. i now really respect my dad's careful cny driving skills to penang and jb.

i've studied. i finished my homework on friday and spent the rest of my weekend researching my extension two english. and doing bio. i love bio. i love bio. i love bio. if i repeat things often enough to myself, it should come true. to prove that to myself i've drawn a humongous diagram of the kidneys and stuck it on my wall. there filtration, reabsorbtion and secretion.

ok, so i'll try to be nice to my bio book :P

and since now i have posters of complex number formulaes and my kidneys, i've done a mini collage of photos around my plug point. my brilliant idea is that when i get my own room, im collaging my whole wall with pics and postcards and other momentos. :) i love planning :)

and obviously i got carried away with the camera. thank GOD for entertainment like my camera :)

because sliding mirrors are the best camwhore studios :)

its been busy at church as well. im done planning the amazing g race and it should be awesome by GOD's grace :) it's a big secret and it will be fun. but remember group leaders, SAFETY SAFETY SAFETY :)

and the kids dance is...going. we've got one more practice left, so please please please be good and dance. the girls are doing really well though :) and chris, meesh and sam are doing and awesome job with the kiddies.

awww chris :)

and msn was made for rainy days. im so so sure of that :)

~KokMun~ Dear Physio department, your shitty lecturers screwed up our 1st year of learning, so pls dont screw our UNIS.. tks says:
sorry yea.. tml can talk a little longer
if i see u online
kk tata~~
liean says:
im not going on9 for the rest of the week
im organising the amazing g race for my church so my weekend is stuffed
and in case i dont get to talk to you for a week (cheh this sounds so desperado)
HAPPY BEEARLY VALENTINE'S!
ok fine im hyper. three hours sleep does that to you
~KokMun~ Dear Physio department, your shitty lecturers screwed up our 1st year of learning, so pls dont screw our UNIS.. tks says:
lolz
sleep more la
sleep is good
haha
all the best for ur race
and happy beearlied valentines too
btw, i thought we used to celebrete single awareness day instead?
or unless someone.. ahem..
liean says:
owh sorry. HAPPY SINGLE AWARENESS DAY

because i do miss our random chats :)

school's on tomorrow. im just waiting for the days to pass by. i'm still looking for my perfect day.

loves loves,
esther

so proud of him :)

2010-02-05T21:41:00.003+08:00

my littlest brother has been elected house vice captain :) sometimes there are times to be happily proud as an older sister. this is one of those :)

congrats daniel :D

we were making toasts to daniel and that's when i discovered that sam gets drunk on schwepps passionfruit and white grape soft drink XD
"toast to the falling of road car accidents!"
"toast to the health of the president of the usa"
"toast to dad's sermons!"

because sometimes family really makes you complete :D

coffee

2010-02-02T18:05:00.001+08:00

you know you're tired when you have a cup of coffee to keep you going whilst doing 4 unit maths. you know you're exhausted when you have a second cup and realise half way that you had a cup 5 minutes earlier.

school.

2010-01-30T09:29:00.000+08:00

http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/spirit.png

today is the last day of my holidays. and this is my 110th post :)

2010-01-27T15:49:00.002+08:00

because time flies too fast.
because too much is happening in too little time.

the holidays have been a memorable experience for me. i had my first part time job. i went for camps. i went out. i studied(a lot less than i should have). i agreed to take up more responsibilities in GLOBE. i made closer friends.

and on my last day of my holidays, what did i do? i spent the really early hours skyping with my cousins and ying.
i studied 4 unit maths.
i went out with chris, rachel and jordan around the city.
i bought GLOBE and school stuff with my mother and brothers.
i came home and peeled kangkung.

i fell into a routine.

this year is my HSC year. *sigh sigh sigh*

and so i kissed my holidays goodbye.
goodbye :(

camps camps camps

2010-01-23T20:14:00.022+08:00

because esther really loves camps :)

nextgen was THE conference to be at for young christian leaders in australia. it changed my thinking and perceptions a lot on the australian christian culture :) what i loved about this camp was that i was actually learning and being challenged. i somehow felt i haven't really been challenged at any camp since yf camp 2008. so its read, reread & reread, context, content, THE BIG IDEA and implications. hopefully, this will help me be a better bible study leader.

the talks were on jeremiah and 1 timothy. i've never really understood jeremiah because of all its prophecy (except for the very obvious bits like jer 29:11 which is still one of my favourite verses :) ) but this camp really challenged me to go beyond what i just read, to think more and more :) 1 timothy really reminded me of home (like the fact that the men lead and the women help :) ) the first night when he talked about farewells, i was clenching my fists so hard, trying not to cry. i guess some things still hurt.

it was also awesome to meet other people from different churches and see how the youth groups work. it was really encouraging seeing the youth of australia actually want to honour christ :) i had lots of fun meeting you CPC :)

i love the random things we did outside our schedule time. like our really crazy bushwalking trip (where i didn't fall down. big big surprise) or the many late night mafia games we had. or the fact that sam and chris had to sleep in a harry-potter-broom-cupboard (no, i dont love that fact. i just really admire you to for standing it) or the times we had our really really really epic trips to coles at night! and the fog (and sarah's super duper excitement)

but yes, its you guys who made the camp :)

us :)>

the very cool balcony :)>
mafia! :)>

the rites of passage :) to be one, you have to draw a banana. with your left hand.

katoomba mountain lodge

CPC and us :)>

i know i'm not perfect. and i know you ESCCC people(dudes?friends?guys?) might have felt i've been too comparing, too hard to forget, too reserved. thanks for bearing with me through it all. i'll always have a place in my heart for TLC and WMS but give me time and yes, i'll learn to love you guys too :)

thank you, yoke yen, for leading us :)

thank you chris :) for watching out through the bush walking. and just watching out for me in general :)

thank you meesh for listening. you always underestimate the power of listening, but its the best thing you have :)

thank you connie for being the cheerful one of camp :)

thank you sarah for sharing :)
sam sam sam. thank you for being my younger brother. you've really taught me lots :)

and of course, we took ages to say goodbye. ages ages ages :)

the samuel wave :)
**************************************************************

the second camp i went for was youth science forum. which is obviously a sciencey/supposedly nerdy camp. but really, it was a good learning experience :) thank you to the rotary for sponsoring me to go.

at the science labs <3>

bbq night!the forensic science unit

keyuan, xini, me and linda :) friends friends friends :)

i guess looking back at all these camps, i really know i have been blessed. blessed to experience, blessed to enjoy :)

thank you GOD :)
i love YOU :)

loves,
esther

it's been a year

2010-01-17T20:02:00.002+08:00

and today is the 17th january.
i've survived. but no matter what happens, you'll still miss home to some extent.
but i'm okay. really, i am :)

shocked.

2010-01-08T18:40:00.002+08:00

and so i heard.

''The third incident took place at the Life Chapel Church in Section 17, Petaling Jaya at 9am, where two Molotov cocktails, also thrown by a motorcyclist, exploded to blacken the walls of the porch and upper-storey window of the two-storey church building.''

http://www.themalaysianinsider.com/index.php/malaysia/48930-igp-confirms-three-churches-hit

may GOD seriously bless and protect all the churches back home.

look here:
http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2010/1/8/nation/20100108105729&sec=nation

it was beautiful

2010-01-02T20:11:00.002+08:00

it was the first time i had seen really HUGE live fireworks before.

(much thanks to the yoons: anthony, justin, aunty rostina, uncle eddy and the lims: uncle cheng hoe, aunty yah lin, meesh and sarah for being oh-so-faithful to our picnic rugs :) )

(much thanks to GOD for not letting it rain!)

and it was beautiful :)
i'm leaving 2009 with many experiences, leaving the pains, the small joys, the calm.
2010. huge start. huge year.

my new year's resolution?
to keep as calm as possible in every situation, and to rely fully on Him.

loves,
esther

*hugs*

christmas

2009-12-25T14:12:00.002+08:00

'may this season be the reason for your joy'
cliched but so true.
blessed christmas everyone :)
*mwah*

last days, first days

2009-12-18T20:45:00.014+08:00

lovely pressies from home :)

because my favourite time of the year has finally arrived :)

These were the good old last days of Term 1 Year 12. Biology Excursion was surprisingly fun, we ran around, catching various insects (i know, shocking, esther catching insects) and wading around in the sea looking for sea creatures to catch. I love this aspect of bio, the practical bit :)
It was a good end to my schooling year. I can't wait for next year to fly past me. :)

our aquarium :) i caught two fish and a few snails :)
i caught this! say hi to leatherjacket :)

our group pics <3

Kris Kringle! Thank you Michelle Lam, my Kris Kringeler. I adored the cupcakes you bought and my gift :)

I've also been playing for almost all the church events this month, it's pretty hectic :) Carols at the Park was a great outreach event, it was so encouraging seeing so many families come together just to have fun and sing carols.

I'm working as well, and it has been a pretty good experience. yes i am enjoying it :)

The houses here have the loveliest christmas lights ever! *loves* The whole street was lighted up, it's like a winter fairyland, especially since it was an unusually cold summer night.

holidays, here i come!

because esther is not a very smart person.

2009-12-10T19:42:00.004+08:00

esther has new specs. in attempt to look smarter.
and is failing miserably at it :(

esther is not smart at all actually.
my school exams prove that much. and this actually counts to my uni entrance score :(
no matter how hard i try, some things just never work out for me.
im absolutely failing at this.

why?

because there's some things time can never change.

2009-12-06T20:33:00.000+08:00

liean says:
do you miss home?

~KokMun~ Shit la.. Another holiday?? later cannot finish syllabus then add classes like siao again.. dont they ever learn?!! says:
like hell
i wanna go home now.......

liean says:
ok we're both helling now then

100th

2009-12-06T19:45:00.004+08:00

i've been thinking.

i guess i'm the sort of person who wants everything to be absolutely perfect.
no, i dont consider myself a perfectionist, just someone who tries very hard. too hard maybe.
i try to be the best daughter, i really do try to obey to everything my parents say.
i try to be a good sister, i really try teaching them and being a good example.
i try to be a christian God would want me to be, i really try listening and following.
i try to be the perfect friend, i listen, comfort, and try to build relationships.
i try to be an excellent student, i study till die.
i try i try i try
and sometimes i don't think its good enough.

i try to build a perfect world.
i try to be a perfect me.
and it doesn't always work that way

but i still try.

Your Guardian Angel: Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

2009-11-21T13:37:00.000+08:00

When I see your smile
Tears run down my face I can't replace
And now that I'm strong I have figured out
How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul
And I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.
Seasons are changing
And waves are crashing
And stars are falling all for us
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you I'll be the one

I will never let you fall (let you fall)
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all (through it all)
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

Cuz you're my, you're my, my, my true love, my whole heart
Please don't throw that away
Cuz I'm here for you
Please don't walk away and
Please tell me you'll stay, stay

Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I'll be okay
Though my skies are turning gray

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven
[to fade]

and i can't concentrate

2009-11-21T13:27:00.005+08:00

(by xkcd)
because i feel like i'm living in a different world sometimes.

my. exams. are. coming. soon.
FRIDAY. its the super combo of school exams and piano exams.
and. i. can't. seem. to. concentrate.
maybe it's because it's hols back home and haven't adjusted to the fact that aussies school late.
or. maybe. its. because. i. think. i. need. to. sit. and. rethink. a. lot. of. things
NOW

more interviews

2009-11-14T04:32:00.003+08:00

another interview is coming up for the youth ambassadors world vision.
looking back, i've never actually suceeded in any interview, but i've learnt so much from them.
all the dissapointments, failures, i've had to manage it.
i wonder what lies in store for this next one?
give me the strength to go through this.

and i keep my promises :)

2009-11-09T19:35:00.002+08:00

alright, here's the full dress rehearsal :) sorry to all those who have bugged me for ages, so here it is. better late than never :)

i've promised :)

2009-11-09T18:53:00.006+08:00

i know you've been waiting for this!
this is the practice :) will publish the full dress practice after this.

eighteen is awesome :)

2009-11-06T21:25:00.025+08:00

this was my last photo of being 17. it was an awesome year :)

but my eighteen start was about as awesome as my 17th year of my life :)
it has been a pretty hectic birthday :)

wednesday, 4 november
uncle lawrence and family, along with uncle james and aunty shirley, took my family out for dinner to celebrate. we went to fox studio's, the food was really good. it was so sweet of them to remember and bring us. it was a joint celebration for aunty chern chern and me :) at first, i thought it was song qi's birthday so i bought her a present :) kena con :P but glad she enjoyed the gift anyway :)

thursday, 5 november
rebbie called me at 1 something in the morning to wish me happy birthday. that was amazing, i can't believe she spent the time, money and effort. i had a very sleepy, half an hour conversation with her about life, memories and yf :) that really meant so much to me <3 style="font-style: italic;">terharu (i can't think of a better word. overwhelmed?) thank you to my whole group; cath, linda, sam, alex, maggie, christine, nat, rita, wendy, mandy, michelle, alex, alice, sophie, gen, jkaii, laura, kim, yang and shirley. you guys have been super super awesome :D or as linda always goes "SO EXCITING!"

school came and went, i even got wished happy birthday by teachers :D thanks to all those who remembered and got me gifts *loves* huggies to felicia, coby, parul, kylie :D

after school i went out and we watched the time traveller's wife. had passionflower before the movie, the tiramisu ice cream is delectable :) thanks to my group for shouting me :D much appreciated. the movie was nice, the sweet romantic type. come to think of it, it is pretty funny that i'm watching another romance movie on my birthday. for the last one, kok mun took me out to watch twilight and that was ... sweet? and for this movie, everyone was tearing up except kim and dale. the whole row was just tearing and half-crying. but it wasn't as powerful that everyone went into a full cry :( it was enjoyable watching it with them :)

then, linda, sophie, cath and i went to pepperlunch for dinner. it was really good hotplate rice :D and we talked about nothing and everything in general :) i love these random conversations. i bussed back to the rain in kingsford, managing to get wet and almost drop my flowers. again. grrrr

aunty janice sent me back. i was surprised. and i was even more surprised when 10 minutes later, the kohs and the shihs turned up and surprised me again. i love surprises. :)

from them :)

my first bouquet of flowers :)

i love the bag: it's so huge! it fits everything!

practical :)

chocs :)

from parul :)

my favourite keychain out of the three felicia gave :)

flower from coby

pretty deco from kylie

i love the cupcake book from the shihs and kohs :)

more flowers from shihs and kohs

from esther tan <3

and the night surprise :)

friday, 6 november
lo and behold, after prayer meeting sat a very pretty tiramisu cake. which happened to be my birthday cake. thanks uncle eddie, aunty rostina, justin and anthony. and special appreciation to anthony who called for my bday! *wheeeee* i love extended surprises :) they never fail to surprise me :)

esther loves everyone

...because i have been singing a lot of christmas carols for no apparent reason

2009-10-31T12:23:00.004+08:00

lately, i've been singing a lot of christmas carols in the house for no apparent reason. ok, only 'all i want for christmas is you' but that's probably because it's been played in every shopping centre every malaysian christmas. then i smile happily myself remembering all the funny pre-christmas and christmassy moments we've had together back home:)

do you remember the times we dashed around 1u, with the loud christmas jingles in the background, trying to find the perfect gift for everyone?
or how shocked mum was that i had 4o plus people on my gift list?
or the time we made the guys hold our drinks while we went shopping?
or even helping each other pick out gifts?
do you remember the time daniel picked the perfect jellyfish bottle for greg?
or the smell of crisp wrapping paper?
and the effort in all the home made cards?

and i realised today that's what i was missing:

giving.

the gift of giving has been one of the most remarkable presents i've ever experienced and that people have ever given to me. it's not only the actual gifts, but more importantly the time, effort, love and commitment you've given to me :) it's one of those things which touch your heart and make you want to give back more and more (positive feedback mechanism?) and i'm so grateful that so many people have given so much to me :) currently, i've been going through quite a tough time, there are a few major worries that i am having. and what's actually been pulling me through is the gifts that i have been given and that people are still giving me in the past. it's such a comfort :)

thank you for giving and teaching me the gift of...

~love
dad and mum - for all the eighteen years of love

~patience
sam - for being a personal butler, story teller, philosopher, editor and most importantly, brother!
tien yi - for bearing with all my nonsense as fellow president :P
meesh, kelly, isabel, sean, ken, chris - the chinese dance. hahahaha
charis - yes, i prob irritate you to bits but you still hear me out. :)
justin, yoke yen - as i settle, you have been really considerate of my missing home, thanks :)

~a shoulder to cry on
kok mun - for helping me in my everyday life and reaching my dreams :)
michy, rebbie, ying - for being everything best friends should be *hugs*

~wisdom
su, yueen san, shaun, aliza - for being the grounding yf teachers in my life :)
keen wai - for all the wise things you say at all the right times :)
jee leng, may, jason - all the advice, all the help, all the mentoring *hugs*
eunice, caro - for thinking through and helping me decide those many cf decisions *hugs*
kay hwa - for all those lessons in life :D

~sports
peter, philip, zen, bryan, serena, yu li - for being willing to play captainball back in tlc :)
amanda, sze earn, mei, gee hou - copa iba was the best with you guys!

~smiles
daniel - for the sunny smiles on my not so sunny days :D
anthony - i think you must be the noisiet, smiliest person on the planet. beside daniel :P
kenny - *jump* *wave wave wave*

~craziness
chang, xuan - you two are the laughing queens. seriously lols
mei - jerebu 'muncul'! the poser poser pictures! karangan books! :)
vicki, dinah - because you guys are that nuts lols

~creativity
greg - for showing me that drama is fun (kind of) ! drama king :P
kuang, brian, kev, eugene, tien eu - all the music in chapel. very awesome. i likeeeeeeeeee :P
em - for loving pink. maybe it's not that bad a colour lols

~clothes
peng ye and eva - all the hand me downs have saved my shopping life :) thanks :)
kye - :D i would be dead for last year's prom without you. and i'm going to be dead for next one's
amanda - all the jackets! so warm and nice! thank you!

~new friendship
cath, sam, linda, alex, alice, maggie, yang, christine, gen, michelle, kim, sophie, nat, laura, jkaii, rita, mandy, wendy, bei, kylie, maryam, rachel - sghs is seriously a better place because of you guys :)
globe: for being the youth of esccc
jon, matthew - oh well, since we are stuck in aussie :P

i hope i've given back to you guys too :)

loves,
esther

because love is full of questions

2009-10-29T15:33:00.002+08:00

because everyone loves maths...not :P

it has been a bad two days

2009-10-28T20:22:00.002+08:00

this is going to sound extremely childish. you were warned.

yesterday, i managed to lose a correction tape and my calculator. i spent a quarter of bio looking for my calculator, and the rest of bio worrying. then i spent my whole free looking for it. still not found :( did i mention that earlier i had opened my bag and found that my tea tupperware had spilled opened? it took time to clean my bag too.

then today, was one of those 'esther-feels/is-stupid days'. it took me so long to get maths (and im still getting half the questions wrong) and i knew zero when my english extension class was going on, and knew nothing after i came out. plus, i haven't written very much of my story for my 4 unit english (which i planned to start last hols)

it's also been quite depressing cause i've been trying to look for a job but...nothing seems to work. i am trying so hard. so hard.

did i mention that my pendrive (with all my recent documents) has decided to crash on me?

i. have. no. idea. why. all. this. is. happening. to. me.

sorry :(

loves,
esther

throw in a camp, the last two days of year 11 and the first three days of year 12!

2009-10-23T19:41:00.003+08:00

"che, you really need to update your blog la"
so says my little brother samuel khoo.
this came up after a counteractive argument of how redundant it would be if he kept a blog.
"you would be screaming on your blog all the time about how you make me late for the bus and i would be saying i did not"
"luckily we catch our own buses"

anyway, i've been pretty worn out lately, with mid autumn festival, church camp and the wonderful world of school. :P so of course i managed to fall sick on the first week of holidays and the first week of school *grimace* i will get better. SOON!

so most of my holidays was spent trying to get well. the good thing is that i did a lot of thinking and a little writing for my four unit english :) the story is a bit extreme but i dont think i do things mediocrely in the first place. the second week of the holidays was spent in anticipation of CHURCH RETREAT 2009!

PRAISE GOD FOR An AWESOME CHURCH RETREAT 2009! :)

now church retreat is a really big thing because it happens once every 2 years. i was in charge of the promotions (God really pulled me through these because the silly laptop kept crashing mutiple times) and was in the fun night committee. that was really fun because we got to plan how to entertain the campers. basically i like seeing other people happy :) its just a me thing lols

for fun night i was in charge of the station where everyone ran around in total pandemonium whacking newspaper balls with newspaper sticks to the enemy's court. i saw some truly awesome tactics: some teams lay across the barrier to stop the ball, another team gathered all the balls and gave a sudden whack back(that wasnt that fair :( ) but overall i think everyone had fun. oh and i lost my voice.

i was also involved in the worship but i dont think it counts as me serving since i barely played. i know love string instruments!

the talks were awesome during camp, with pastor tom tokura challenging us to GIVE. :) give our time, money, energy, talents because in the first place all these are God's anyway. so its more like returning! it made me think. it also kind of comforted me as a pastor's kid. not to say that being a pastor's kid is a curse, its just really difficult for me at times. but these talks were one of the comforts at this stage. thank you pastor tom tokura!

the things i enjoyed most were just being around. like the walk/jog i failed with brendon and nicole. or MY VERY FIRST CAPTAINBALL GAME here! the aunties and uncles are really fun to play captainball with! it was a pretty different experience from playing crazy style back home. but it was funny in its own way here. or the last night when we stayed up, just talking (thanks meesh, connie, anthony, edwin!) or playing truth and dare. thank you brendon for asking my mum to let me switch rooms to the other girls room!

and of course the worse bit was when i couldnt sleep on the first night. i was awake from 3 am, took a COLD SHOWER at 5 (i think i was alien abducted at that time haha) and out doing QT by 5.30. and then went for a run at 5.45. that was so unesther lols

and then of course when we were already exhausted, WE STARTED SCHOOL! year 11 has just flown past. i got back my results and they arent that good. 3 band 6, one shocking band 4 and the rest are band 5. not good enough. i am so nerding for year 12.

anyway, year 12 (or the three days of it so far) have been hectic. it has not helped that i am sick. the workload is like wesley's now. and the pressure to do well is intense. *sigh* im praying very hard nowadays, i really need the strength to pull through each day. so if you could remember me in your prayers that would be very sweet :)

so esther is more or less the same :)
loves you peoples *hugs*

2009-10-10T18:45:00.001+08:00

because the days just pass too fast :(

mid autumn festival

2009-10-04T19:35:00.006+08:00

mid autumn memories :)

thank God it went well.
72 new people came, and the church was really involved in it.
thank you chris, sean, sam, ken, michelle, kelly and isabel for dancing. :) im sorry i almost dropped my fan

dinner the night before

our official pi:)

we had our own lantern walk, chris, sean, sam, daniel, yoke yen and myself. basically, we turn off the lights of the eating hall and just walked around it. daniel burnt his lantern after that. it was fun :)

hahaha sam :P

esther is extremely exhausted. but somewhat happy :)

my wonderful 3 days of holidays so far :)

2009-10-02T12:02:00.002+08:00

it's so awesome to be having a break from school. i've been waiting/needing a break since the last school hols since my body still has not adjusted to the absence of many numerous public holidays we Malaysians are so used to (and love!)

the last few days have still been pretty hectic with piano to practice (like crazy. since my exams are coming up), Mid Autumn Celebration stuff to settle (dance, announcements, promo things) and Church Retreat things to do (which I will settle soon. note to self) and then i've been having to do the cooking in the house (no one is poisoined yet :) ) and having to be my brother's tutor for maths and chem.

the first day of holidays was more or less bliss where I just played piano the whole day. but then i probably overdid it, since yesterday i had totally no mood to play. i stayed up late talking to all the wonderful Malaysian buddies :) sometimes, friends are just there to sympathise with you, to understand. i really thank God for all of you :)

the second day of holidays was spent in a massive baking spree. i baked 4 jars of chocolate chip cookies, a tub of chocolate biscuits and a ganache crepe-walnut jam cake. i baked for the whole (literally. my feet actually hurt) and then i got sick of it. note to self, stop overdoing things :)

today, on the wonderful third day of holidays, I volunteered for the Pink Ribbon Foundation which supports breast cancer research. i woke up at 5 to get to Circular Quay by 6. the day looked pretty bad (my mother told me to dress for winter) but it was a pretty good experience. i just stood there and persuading Sydney-siders to purchase a pink ribbon badge/pin/wristband/nailfile/pen to support the foundation. we got to wear pink(duh!) shirts and smile and persuade for 2 hours. i guess i like doing volunteering work because it feels like my time is being used up for a good cause :) it was my first time today too doing this type of fundraising volunteer work :) i came home and crashed for 2 hours. after this i have dance practice and i have to cook dinner too.

got to run again. im stuck with last min amendations to the programme.

note to self: esther has to stop overdoing things. soon.

and i can finally breathe again

2009-09-30T17:52:00.000+08:00

exams are over. i can officially breathe and be normal
bye year 11 :)

happy birthday malaysia!

2009-08-31T19:28:00.003+08:00

saya cinta malaysia! :)

and it's the time of the year where everywhere is blasting with the 'tanggal 31' song.
but im not there to hear it :(

loves <3

the little things in life

2009-08-24T16:42:00.002+08:00

today, my little, nine year old brother won his class trivia.
he saved half of his prize, Freddo, for me :)

i came home from piano, tired and cold
and he ran down the stairs
*thump thump thump thump thump*
he was so excited, rushing down the stairs.
"che che you can eat half my freddo! its in the kitchen"
"after dinner" said mum.

i gave him a hug :)
thank you daniel :)

sometimes, its just the small things that cheer me up everyday

40 hour famine

2009-08-22T07:04:00.001+08:00

im doing it! support me :)
anyway, i'm going hungry till 12 noon tomorrow.
water is my best friend now :)

esther is half drowned with work. again

2009-08-19T15:46:00.002+08:00

some things just never change.

i still have tons of work

cheers to year 11 ^^

2009-08-03T20:58:00.001+08:00

im just so tired of being dissapointed all the time.

emails

2009-08-02T05:26:00.003+08:00

i've always wondered what would happen to my email when i die. or my dearly beloved black hardisk, my scrap books etc.

i was reading through my old emails.
all the bbc ones with our nonsense and the sense of loss when charis left
the birthday ones i recieved from randoms
the apologies i recieved and sent
the really personal sharings that touched my heart and kind of shaped me for today
the ones that bonded friendships till now.

it was funny, looking back at the many different ways i spelled sorry (soweee, sori, soli, sowi) or the repeated times i used the word 'chill'. and how i signed more personal emails with innocent blur. flicking through them, i see my form 1/2 self through my own eyes again. i'm pretty amused with the small me but at the same time wonder how i could sound so stupid at times. or place so much importance on unimportant issues. and wonder why i still miss those times.

not that i would like to relive it, but just to keep those memories. preserve my kid-teen hood in those pages of emails. keep the blur image of that braces girl who still has so many failings. keep the essence of sometimes what i truly am.

and know that somehow, i've grown up.

R.I.P Yasmin Ahmad

2009-07-30T20:19:00.002+08:00

'the day i read my first love story, i started looking for you without realising you were there all along'
mukhsin

you were my favourite malaysian director. you managed to capture the essence of the harmony we malaysians are still trying to achieve. and you made us think it was possible.

thank you so much

july birthdays :)

2009-07-30T19:59:00.006+08:00

happy happy birthday to all these crazily wonderful people :) 7th is such a perfect number :)

7 july: chew kuang ern
kuabe! i so miss teasing u lols have an awesome 18th!

12 july: greg sze
mr paper thin jellyfish-man i am so glad to be your friend! lols continue growing taller both spiritually and height-wise! ;)

16 july: sophie liu
sweetest 16th to the youngest in our group! :)

17 july: leong kay lee
the chapel boss! :) thanks for all the crazy instructions and hyperness moods you gave chapel. keep shining kay lee style!

melbourne. :) school. :(

2009-07-30T19:13:00.004+08:00

thanks charis for hosting me for a whole week :)

thank yous spring, sze earn and v vien for the crazy makan spree and trying-to-bring-me-to-touristy-spots. i miss wesley days!

melbourne was sooooooooooooooooooooooooo awesome. it was 7 days of pure fun, friends and food (everyone was like "eat eat eat, you're on hols! :P") it was a bit like home :) too awesome to blog about. pics are uploaded on my facebook.

and now its back to school. which seems to be really long and tiring after just 3 days of it. :(

he's back

2009-07-09T20:38:00.001+08:00

he's back. we are so relieved :)

and its over

2009-07-07T20:37:00.000+08:00

it was over too fast..
just like that.

we lost :(

semua orang jatuh sakit

2009-07-06T17:12:00.001+08:00

half my school is down with the flu
sniffles and very bad colds has conquered the mock trial team
sam is sick.
i have gone through fever, cold and flu in the past 3 days.
who knew getting sick in winter could feel this bad?

by the way, tomorrow is mock trials agaisnt saint mary's :) hope we win *cross fingers* :)

loves,
*mwah*

2009-07-03T22:09:00.000+08:00

Today was a terribly cold day.

year 11 camp

2009-07-01T18:32:00.029+08:00

yes, yours truly did enjoy camp very much.

what i loved:
1. the campsite. it was next to the beach so from our dining area we can see the ocean. and they have huge fields of green grass. we never got to the beach though :( the blue as brilliant :D
2. the people. my group is pretty fun, and really nice. super posers though. but thats fine. we played guitar, danced in the cabins, watched titanic till 3, played monopoly with like 10 ppl etc. celebrated shirley's complete with cake, party poopers and banner. basketballed and volleyballed. more posing. hectic lol
3. the food. was pretty australian. which was a nice change. the portions were huge and everyone brought heaps of junk food

what i hated:
1. the lack of sleep. actually i got pretty a lot of sleep compared to all my other camps. but its still tiring
2. the dirty blanket. there was one doona (my friends one) which had period blood on it. very gross. she threw it to the side
3. the crumbs all over the place. and thats what you get when 20 ppl eat in the cabins lol

what i learnt:
1. study skills: a. get a yearly planner b. more excercises c. goals goals goals!
2. I HAVE TO WRITE A REALLY GOOD LETTER EXPLAINING WHY I SHOULD KEEP PHYSICS CHEM BIO AND DO MATHS EXTENSION. grrrr i have too many units and the school is concerned. argh. help me think why i should keep it. and they have weird scaling. which means phy gets u better marks then bio. but then im good at bio. aus has a confusing system.
3. how not to get raped. im serious, they actually had a session on this.

anyway, pics pics pics

us :)

june birthdays

2009-06-25T19:20:00.008+08:00

to all the june birthday orangs...

8 June: Hannah Xavier
mentos mentee! you're now seventeen and welcome to the most awesome year of your life (yes, spm makes it awesome as well) :) enjoy your last year at wesley!

12 june: zi xuan
happy eighteenth dear! hope you liked your 'surprise party' lol siao siao orang its time to grow up!

23 June: Sze Earn
Ganas! i bet poor spring is all bruised by now! thanks for coordinating our dance last year, and being my personal make up artist for romeo and juliet :) have a super fun year in melbourne being all ganas and smarter :)

23 June: Maggie Zhang
Happy seventeenth to the other newbie! :)

25 June: Spring Sia
my seat buddy! the prefect who always eats with me! :D lurve sia yen yen! when i get to melbourne, we'll sing the whole of trinity down! (or i'll just listen to you yelling/singing again haha)

25 June: Chen Tien Yi
Our CF-Chapel love hate relationship! lol thanks for being an awesome co-president and bearing with all my problems and incompetencies and major stubborness.

29th june: mrs peters
thank you for your ever present guidance in cf and chapel :)

the juggling act

2009-06-23T18:29:00.004+08:00

throw in school homework: maths exercises, english modernist stories, chem phy bio worksheets
*all is relatively calm*
add studying for bio and chem olympiad: two very fat books
*esther's brainpower gets challenged*
throw in more studying for maths test
*1/2 a mark gone for writing cos2 + cos2 =1 :( esther needs to be more careful :( *
chuck in camp promos and designing the church camp brochure
*esther starts to unbalance*
plus chores and helping dad out with whatever odds and ends needs to be done
*sigh. esther shall not complain. sigh*
harmonize everything with constant piano practices
*bang bang bang*
add in exercise
*when esther has the energy*
MOCK TRIALS
*esther starts to slip*
netball
*fun but dangerous*
and an assortment of randoms (church meetings, application to nysf...)
*balance balance balance*
*juggle juggle juggle*

*CRASH*

and GOD picks esther up again. and esther continues crashing

...

oh, knitting and reading(last book: the jane austen club. next book: stories of katherine mansfield) has been keeping me sane recently :) i think im starting to sound old ^^

...

other than that, life here isn't too bad. the highlights of my past 2 weeks? :)
*yes, there is always sunshine in esther's life. somehow*

dinner at uncle lawrence, aunty chern chern and song qi's place :)
i love aunty chern chern's laksa! *yums*

<3's

rush over me

2009-06-10T19:44:00.000+08:00

im suddenly feeling very overwhelmed.
everything is crashing on my schedule now

The wonders of MSN and sam

2009-06-08T18:24:00.001+08:00

MSN with my brother in the next room. He is so random :)

Samuel says:
so what are you doing now?
Samuel says:
knitting?
Samuel says:
hello?
liean says:
no la. im checking my email dong
liean says:
and replying yings email
Samuel says:
oh
liean says:
I HOPE THE BOOK IS FIXED
Samuel says:
cheh
Samuel says:
it is
Samuel says:
and i have the fingers to prove it
　
　Samuel is inviting you to start viewing webcam. Do you want to Accept (Alt+C) or Decline (Alt+D) the invitation?
　
liean says:
sam u hv webcam meh?
Samuel says:
Samuel says:
clicke YESS
Samuel says:
haha
Samuel says:
quick quick
Samuel says:
haha
　
　You have accepted the invitation to start viewing webcam.
　
Samuel says:
haha
Samuel says:
okok
Samuel says:
that's all
　
　Samuel has stopped viewing webcam with you.
　
Samuel says:
now you can stop viewing
liean says:
wat???
liean says:
i din see anything?
liean says:
and u jammed the comp
Samuel says:
oh
liean says:
and this is relli stupid talking to u like this cs ur in the nxt room
Samuel says:
really
Samuel says:
i know
Samuel says:
ookok
liean says:
and i hv YINGS EMAIL AND WORK TO DO
Samuel says:
stop
liean says:
bye bye
Samuel says:
fine
liean says:
if U REALLY NEED ME
liean says:
yell
Samuel says:
ignore me
Samuel says:
sob
liean says:
im not ignoring u la aiyoh
Samuel says:
okies
Samuel says:
byeeeeeeeeeee

Laura, JK and Wendy's 16th

2009-06-08T12:13:00.011+08:00

pictures speak a thousand words? :)

happy birthday laura, jk, and wendy! thanks for organising the party :) welcome to the year of being 16 :)

well, it was a lot of firsts :)
first time out with this group of sghs friends
first time wearing a dress in winter (i still wonder how i survived the cold)
first time at central and darling harbour
first time on the train! (thanks nat, stine, linda :) )
first time karaokeing here

met up with linda, nat, stine to go shopping. linda was in a happy/angry/happy mood cause all of us were kinda late. im so glad i wore flip flops to walk and then only changed to heels for dinner. linda, nat and stine saw how clumsy i am :P

dinner at blackbird cafe which was 3/4 photos and 1/3 actually eating dinner. loud music and pretty nice environment :) i like the water's reflections!

ended off the night with karaoke at red box. i didnt know karaoke centres had bouncers lol anyway, all of us only had high school ID :P left at around 11 with cath chan (thanks for sending me back) surprisingly, the night wasnt as cold as expected (or maybe thats because of all the walking) reached home at 12 something, dead tired :)

*cheers for the long holiday!*

mock trials

2009-06-04T20:20:00.002+08:00

congrats to sghs for winning mock trials today! :) cheers for leah, kim, alice, div, sam and saloni on the team, the rest of us were so worried/supportive during the trial :P the witnesses were pretty funny. its elimination rounds from now on! so hyper about mock trials!

on the other hand, i have lots of maths homework.

so back to work for me :(

first day of winter

2009-06-01T18:27:00.006+08:00

it is cold. very cold. and it's going to be cold for 3 months. i think the coldness has affected my vocabulary.

anyway, have been super busy with application forms and writings. sometimes i really wonder why i try so hard for so many things. thank you to all those who remind me its about the journey more than the destination. yes, the destination is important too :)

athletics carnival was today, an being a non-running person, ended up cheering the year 11 races, playing cards (sophie slaps hard :P ), talking and watching kim cut sophie's hair (she's awesome at it) more or less a pretty relaxed day :)

piano class is constantly demanding more and more of my time. plus there's church camp stuff to do. and work to study. and essays to write.
i should so start making a check list.
tick tick tick

and the pics of the day :)

sam's very wide smile :D

kim cutting sophie's hair (still find this so awesome)

and now for the million and one things to do...

tried.failed.

2009-05-26T21:38:00.001+08:00

sometimes i wonder why i try so hard...

then i look around me
i look at my exam results
i look at the problems around me
i look at what i can or could be

then i know why i try.
for a while

2009-05-17T16:00:00.000+08:00

4 months

april and may birthday babes

2009-05-14T19:44:00.001+08:00

happy belated and beearly birthdays
better late than never right?
:)

april 8 - alex
thanks for always smiling and waving at me at school :) sweetest 16th!

april 10 - lye jee leng i still think this was the best birthday we planned for you. may and i put so much effort lol

april 17 - kharenee ah porrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr....suzanneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.....jennifferrrrrrrrrr...
which one are you now?

april 25- zen have a emoless happy birthday. please :)

april 28 - alice joe

quiet achiever! happy birthday fellow solicitor :)

may 2 - nigel khoo blessed 18th :) thanks for temaning through all the eng lit classes.

may 3 - terence tan

happy birthday cousin! miss you lots and keep safe :)

may 20 -yeo sue may i miss my next door-climb over the fence neighbour who taught me guitar (i was a bad student) good luck with PMR this year!

may 24 - laura lim
sghs :) sweetest 16th

may 26 - lim chin ai wo ai may lim chin ai! *hugs* may GOD continue to keep you strong this year :)

may 27 - little ms smart aka eunice khoo

cousin! thanks for being so patient with me and a listening friend. may GOD bless you with even more smartness! :)

happy mother's day

2009-05-10T11:59:00.002+08:00

words cant thank you enough :)

Happy Mother's Day :)

its in the middle exams and this should not be written

2009-05-08T21:35:00.002+08:00

this week has been one of the busiest, most stressful, and randomest of my life here in australia. which makes it a pretty good week :)

sunday
church with really random stories about malaysian tales with a really meaningful theme underneath:

be a christian first before we are anything else.
christian first, student second
christin first, malaysian second
christian first, esther second

it really changes perspective :)

then i rushed off to piano class. its only my third class but i can play all my scales and 2.5 pieces. a lot of polishing up to do! but i really love learning piano here, the style of teaching is so different yet concise :) im grateful that ive found a teacher who teaches both abrsm and ameb :)

dinner was at the yoons to meet rev chua. it was a looong meeting.

monday
arrived at school early for mock trials. mocks were so worth all the time and early mornings (i still dont like early mornings lol) then it was class for two periods before cross country

cross country made me realise how unfit i am. 3.5 km in 25 mins. and one very red out of breath esther. who was pretty dead tired physically by then.

after lunch, we skipped class to prepare for mocks. pauline was calming her nerves, drinking coffee till she found out that kim cant stand coffee and had to gulp it down. lol kambala college had pretty good barristers. the 1st witness statement was 3 pgs long and i couldbt formulate questions fast enough for cross examination :( and the whole account of it was changed! :( so confusing. we did better with the 2nd witness statement, and kim was pretty fast. still, by the time we were preparing the witness statement, kim was singing the adams family and we were panicking.

we really did not expect to win. when the magistrate said "i have to hand it over to the prosecution" pauline, kim and i had to restart our heart and ears lol the rest of the team was pretty shocked as well. but it was a team effort which pulled us through so cheers for sam! :)

and then it was a lonely scary wait in the dark at the bus stop. the cold winds did not help :(

tuesday
i think i was too tired to remember anything. i know i slept really early on that day to recover

wednesday
was spent revising last min for exams. was so anxious about my first exams here that i slept super early. how much can u revise for changing self neway??

thursday
i answered the worst english paper of my life. managed to write only a 2 page very lame story of me changing self as i moved countries. but i really couldnt think! it was brain freeze - the standard of malaysian english is really low la. poor stein forgot to do the six mark question. everyon was hugging her after that.

sophie, nat, stein, kim, yang, jen and i walked to fox studios, opposite the school. it was my first time there. fox studios is like an amusement park/fine dining/movie filming area. its pretty nice. we drowned our stress in gloria jeans coffee and studied maths. it was so nice sitting in the sun slurping cold cappucino and doing maths. prob the most random exam thing i've ever done :)

maths paper was alright, but im hoping hard i din make any careless mistake. i checked it though. came home early and destressed on the piano for an hour and a half :) then revised bio and utopia (how much can u actually revise for utopia??)

friday
the utopia paper was definately better than the changing self paper :)

came home with div and talked all the way. leisurely lunch and crammed bio. then now im too tired to do anything so im blogging :)

which is so unestherlike. because esther would have never touched the computer during exams in malaysia. hmmm...

esther dislikes the cold.very much

2009-05-02T20:58:00.002+08:00

after 17 happy years of running around in the malaysian sun in tshirt and shorts, esther is now condemened to about four layers of long sleeved clothes, a heater and lots of blankets to keep warm for the whole of autumn and winter. i have never shivered as much or been frozen as badly in my life. im wearing slippers everywhere in the house to keep my toes warm. i miss my malaysian sun badly :(

today, it rained for 3/4 of the netball match. so we played in the rain, skidding and losing grip of the ball. it was warm when playing, but freezing once i cooled down. then, i had to help my dad grocery shop at woolworths. it's really horror to go and pick up frozen stuff when you're damp, cold and wet. oh well, at least we won our first netball game today :)

exams are up this week. im stressed because i should be more stressed than i am now but im okay with most of the topics so its not that bad. but i should still be stressed.
i think the stress and cold is getting to me. *sigh*

mock trials on mon :) solicitor! :) hope we win

ending on a positive note, i am pretty warm at the current moment.

2009-04-27T10:04:00.001+08:00

i should be studying.
esther must study.
okay, esther is going to study :)

esther loves letters

2009-04-25T20:27:00.003+08:00

the last few days have been awesomely busy: helping mum edit her book, piano (i actually practiced for four hours on thursday!), studying, writing, homework, making a scarf for daniel... it's actually been pretty hectic.

then, this cheered me to bits :) it was so rebbie's writing and so obviously her cause of her HUGE WRITING!

no chance of this getting lost in the post!

esther loves rebbie and mich *mwah* and ying for her email today :D

thanks for making my days

kyck

2009-04-19T19:57:00.018+08:00

then... arctic edge gang at girls camp :)

esthers and serena :)

i think God likes to keep me amused :) ironically, i actually agreed to go to australia in 2006, after girls camp, whose theme was 'the great wedding banquet', focusing on the book of revelations. my very first youth camp in australia, kyck, and the theme is 'victory:now and later', also focusing on the book of revelations.

the book of revelations is a pretty mind-boggling book, and one that makes you think. it talks about the second coming of christ and is full of symbolisms. honestly, at girls camp, i was really scared and freaked out for a while (even though i was group leader) of the whole impact of Jesus second coming, and the circumstances surrounding it. which made me realise that i dont really have that much time to do what i should be doing. the girls camp was really a challenge to me to take steps i should be taking, like going to australia. hence, there i was at kyck remembering what really pushed me to it.

kyck was..different. on the first day, uncle robert and auntie helen, along with christina and connie came 2 hours EARLIER to pick sam and i up. people had changed the time from 3pm to 1pm. we had just finished lunch and it was a mad rush to shower and finish packing in 10 minutes. no one told us anything, so it wasnt our fault we didn't know anyway. i was freaking out when they came, cause i hate to make people wait. anyway, our car became known as the khoo/koo car :) *cheers for the khoos*

the hidden gem is an extremely luxurious campsite. its a quaint house, and not camp-ish at all. there was 2 floors, and extremely huge. its tucked in a nice corner, with a maple tree blooming red in front. there are a lot of locked doors and nooks. my room was the 'scary doll room' (quote connie) which had 2 china dolls sitting on the bed, an a pair of ballet shoes beneath the mirror. nicole and connie were afraid of the dolls, so they got dumped into the boys room. :P the room was nice, but a little dark. i shared room with connie and nicole. they're nice roomies.

no. 43

the hidden gem

its so luxurious, it even has a bathtub (i havent seen a bathtub like this in ages)

connie khoo. roomie and carie (if there is such a word)

the talks were not that deep. basically a lot of creative forms, but not that much substance. i enjoyed looking at the different ways that revelations can be taught. though i thought victory boy and some other stuff was extremely random. but i like random. the praise and worship was really good. it was so encouraging to see so many christian australians just gathering.

anyway, the youth at escc is various funny things. like getting themselves lost while walking (even before we started camp proper!), loading the dishwasher but not turning it on, putting cheese in the oven etc. uncle robert and aunty helen were so patient with us :)

this is the camp where i got the most sleep though.

anyway, esccc youth do take pics. just not as many as TLC or WMS. TLC is still the unbeatable poser champions :)

on the last day, it was pretty cold (everyone said the weather was fine) the blizzard came on the third day and it was rainy and foggy and freezing. *grrr* praise GOD for the awesome weather before that anyway :) and this was the first camp that i ever had to pack all jeans and long tshirts.

i seem to attract cuts. today, when i was washing up after breakfast, i got a glass cut, though there were no broken cutlery/dishes/glassware. i have such a talent *sigh*

anyway, the closing session of kyck reminded me again that JESUS IS COMING ANYTIME. i think im kinda forgetful, so this was a good reminder/wakeup call from the last camp. thank GOD for making kyck..alright :)

esccc youth

esther loves her free time

2009-04-17T00:08:00.008+08:00

beautiful :)

science!

meet kylie pandika(first pic!)! my friend who takes the bus back with me (sometimes) we went for Uni of Sydney Degree in a Day! degree in a day is like an open day with selected topics. it was pretty good, all the talks and campus tour and stuff. did u know that u cannot scar a foetus skin? did u know that memory may not actually be stored in neurons but in the brain? did u know that guys are better at judging distances than girls? i love learning random facts :P

i think im kinda jumbled up.

ITS THE EASTER HOLIDAYS!

holidays! :) lots of free time which suddenly got filled. honestly, i really had no plans this hols then everything crashed on me. this always happens :)

i was going to spend my hols doing craft but ended up too busy to do much :(

a few church ppl kindly invited us for dinners. thank you so much! esccc aunties and uncles are really kind, and it was really good fellowship. been having a lot of asian food *cheers*

matilda!

i started my piano lessons as well! planning to do both abrsm grade 8 and the ameb. i need the frame of mind to practice and the time. i cant seem to get both at the same time :(

been helping mom edit her book as well. yes, another malaysian contracts law book. i think ive typed the word Courts like a million times. *sigh* hope it gets finished soon!

tomorrow is kyck. its my first youth camp here. everyone, from justin, the youth leader, to uncle robert, aunty helen and aunty jacqui have told us its going to be freezing. thank you for all the warm things! :) sam and i have packed for a blizzard. just in case :) im excited but not hyper like yf camp...we'll see how it goes. its my first camp bringin all long sleeves and jeans too!

i just finished baking cookies and muffins at 2. i think something is wrong with me :)

today is EXACTLY THREE MONTHS SINCE WE ARRIVED! *i cant believe it*

easter

2009-04-12T13:15:00.001+08:00

'The Lord is risen,
The Lord is risen indeed!'

Blessed easter :) God bless lots